Vernal Roundup '08 - The Walking Park Criterium

In my previous post, I alluded to the main highlight of the Vernal Roundup. The "Vernal Roundup Walking Park Criterium" was an event that will likely never be matched, at least in terms of the sum of its awesomeness and stupidity.

A bit of background is required here. Mark (the local host of the Vernal Roundups) has a quirky hobby of converting his little kids' thrift store bikes into "kick-A" chopper bikes. We'd all take turns riding these bikes around his garage while tinkering with our big-kid bikes. A couple of Mark's creations are nearly impossible to ride without breaking out into laughter.

Chad decided that the bikes were so "kick-A" that we needed to put them to good use. And of course, there is no better use for a bike than to race it. The best place to race these bikes was in the neighboring "walking park", which included various options for a short criterium loop. In order to level the playing field (since some of the bikes were much faster than others), the crit would be a four-lap time trial, with each lap being ridden on a different bike.

Ryan raced first and recorded a respectable time. Here he is on the lap-2 bike. This bike obviously has one distinguishing feature. That's right, it has some sweet full suspension (Click on pics to enlarge):

From Vernal Roundup 08

Mark, the local kid, set the new best time. Here he is, also on the lap-2 bike:

From Vernal Roundup 08

I went next. The lap 1 bike was a pretty standard kid's bike, and was also the fastest:

From Vernal Roundup 08

Here I am on lap 2:

From Vernal Roundup 08

Here is the lap 3 chopper bike. The lactic acid is building by this point:

From Vernal Roundup 08

An finally lap 4. If you look closely, you'll notice that the training wheels are still attached.

From Vernal Roundup 08

You have no idea how blown I was coming down the home stretch of lap 4 on this bike. It's physically impossible to sit down on this bike, and each revolution of the pedals propels you approximately 1/2 a foot. Try as I might, I could not quite match Mark's quick time.

Finally, Chad was up. He went out of the gates quick, setting a new best time after lap 1:

From Vernal Roundup 08

He was on his way to a new best time split at lap two...

From Vernal Roundup 08

... when our night was cut short. If you look closely, you'll notice a set of headlights just to the side of Chad's left hand. That would be a police car coming to break up the party. The gig was up, the fuzz was onto us. The most disappointing part about our run-in with the cops (other than not being able to see Chad ride the training wheels bike) is that we didn't get a close-up picture of the expression on the officer's face when he got a good look at the shenanigans we were up to. It's been a while since I've been "busted" by the fuzz, but for some reason, it seemed like a fitting end to the Vernal Roundup Walking Park (i.e., no bike riding allowed) Crit.