What would you do in this "hypothetical" situation:
You are 'just riding along' on one of your favorite trails (like Timpooneke, for example), enjoying the cool air and prestine singletrack. You come across a couple of WalMart bikes stashed along side the trail, and you start to wonder why two bikes would be sitting here without their owners nearby, since there are no other trailheads or landmarks around. In the corner of your eye, you see something moving around amongst the aspen and pine trees. As you ride by, you take a closer look. You are so shocked by what you see that it takes your brain a second or two to register what you are looking at:
Two people, both well qualified for the "Clydesdale division", one firmly grasping a poor and innocent aspen tree, going at it.
Yeah, that's right. IT.
I'm pretty sure that if Adam and I found ourselves in that "hypothetical" situation, Adam would yell "classy", and the only thing I could think up would be to yell at Adam to grab his camera (loud enough for the Clydesdales to hear). Then we would keep riding, because we'd be too sick to our stomachs, not to mention shocked, to think of doing anything else.
And then we'd spend the rest of the ride talking about what we should have done.
Oh, and while talking about how exactly a douchebag guy approaches his skanky girlfriend about performing such an act, Adam would yell in his loud and boisterous voice "Hey babe, I'm getting tired of riding these bikes. Wanna pull over and DO IT?", just as another rider (one of the only other riders we'd see all evening) would round the corner from the opposite direction. And then I'd try and explain (all too late) that Adam's comment was not directed toward me, but was instead a hypothetical conversation between said douchebag and said skank.
So again I ask. What would you do in this "hypothetical" situation? Because lets face it, anyone willing to perform such an act in a publicly visible area deserves to be mocked, ridiculed, and/or injured, right?
1 year ago
so great. And thanks for not posting any pics.
I love AF Canyon, but now I'm afraid to ride there. So very afraid.
You know the old Mountain Bike magazine (is it still around? long live Captain Dondo) once did an article about doing IT while out riding, complete with stories from individuals who allegedly so engaged (kind of like the Mountain Bike version of Penthouse Forum letters that a friend told me about once) and suggestive photos. I think it was a not too successful attempt to reach a new audience (which apparently you unfortunately discovered). The next month's letters to the editors from irate moms were fun to read.
Is this really a hypothetical situation?
I wouldn't take any video or pics since that would put me in front of another judge.
I SOOO wanted to go back and throw rocks at them. Small enough not to do any real harm, but large enough and hard enough to really mess up their messing around. The site of that dude running after us, cussing up a storm with his shorts around his ankles would have been priceless. And disgusting. But still.
And yet, no force on earth could get me to stop and turn around. I do not think I have ever ridden so focused, so quickly as I did for those few minutes after we saw what we saw.
meanwhile on another blog......
"Having finally made it through yet another difficult stretch in our relationship, we decided to try and make a healthy move forward, we bough the bikes we could afford and started riding around town, then we ventured into the trails, feeling so alive, we threw caution to the wind and (well you know) we then looked up and saw 2 perverts wearing spandex, one looked like big foot and the other, well he looked like he just escaped from a slave labor camp, the moment was lost, we were terrified, we fought and he served me divorce papers today, I ate a 21 inch deep dish pizza and pawned the bike...............
Nothing. I would have stood there and chuckled until he turned and made his move - there is no move he could have pulled that wouldn't have been funny. Either he sheepishly pulls up his pants, which is kind of funny, or he makes some aggressive move while basically naked. Win-win, I say.
Yikes! I actually rode that trail yesterday morning. Thankfully it was clydesdale free at that time.
Rick: Adam and I were talking about how this is something that would typically only happen to Dug. And if I would have asked myself what Dug would have done in this situation, I almost certainly would have taken and posted pictures.
JZ: "that a friend told me about once" - riiiigght....
Bob: you just made my day.
Fish: I like the way you think. But like I said, at the time, I could not get myself to stop. I just couldn't. Next time I'll be ready. Next time.
submit this stoy to budweiser. it'll be remade into a spot for the superbowl in Jan.
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